The Calm Before The Storm
by CarlaConnor13
Summary: Carla dreams of her past, mentions of Carchelle friendship. *contains some issues some may find disturbing*


**Thanks for all your lovely reviews for 'Hold me like you used to'. I'd written this before the scenes of tbe factory collapse aired, and I dont own any of the characters. Hope you enjoy this glimpse into my version of Carla's past**

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This was it this time, she knew this time there was no coming back. Since Aiden had died, she'd known it was inevitable, one way or another, she'd return here again.

Since the boat fire, Carla has been determined to end Roy's pain, taking the blame and with it the hated that burned in Peters eyes. Roy was distraught that he couldn't be punished for what he'd done, but Carla was adamant that it was best like this.

She'd stopped eating.

She'd stopped sleeping.

Really, she'd stopped living when her brother past. Just surviving really, existing.

Wrapped in the bubble of work at the factory, since Nick's departure to the barbers. Juggling precariously work with the pub and factory, having taken control when Johnny and Jenny got years in prison.

She'd been Michelle's support through her break up from Robert, when he upped and left in the night, leaving her the bistro and her empty heart. Holding her together as her best friend broke. Shattered into fragments that Carla was struggling to cling onto.

She'd accepted Michelle's decision to get away, promising she'd be okay, promised that she'd keep the bistro running.

Naive. Carla had been naive thinking she could run the three businesses and continue to battle with herself at the same time.

Kate remained, for a while, walking around like a shadow since their wedding. Rana didnt show at the wedding. She didn't show at all and when her body was found in the alley it was the last straw for Kate.

Sophie had taken her away to stay with Rosie in Japan, to help her to cope and maybe start again. Carla was kidding herself. She knew that Kate would never return.

How could she? There are always going to be too many memories here. To much loss. Too much pain.

No.

Kate was better off away from it all. Inevitably the pain would heal, she'd find a woman to distract her and fill the gaping holes in her heart.

The businesses were failing. How could they not with the knowledge that she. Carla Connor had almost killed Simon in the boat fire. Everyone knew, and everyone blamed.

The factory collapse was the last nail in the coffin for Carla. Working in the bistro, one night, serving customers as the factory work force were still there.

She remembered closing up the bistro early, not remembering why. She remembered the faint babble of the pub as she opened the factory doors.

Greeted by Roy in her office with a cup of tea and a bacon and egg muffin, him insisting she eat it in front of him as he'd noticed her lack of food.

She remembered Beth complaining about the biscuits or something like that. Slamming the door after telling at her; the faint mumbling of insults.

Silence.

That's what she remembers. Deathly silence, the calm before the storm that felt like a lifetime.

The first beam fell, not registering with Carla, whose mug was clutched so tightly in her hands her knuckles were turning white.

Screaming.

Silence.

Screaming.

Silence.

Everything happened at once as Roy pulled on Carla's arm to tempt a response. He'd wondered if Carla was still haunted by Tony and what happened in the factory that night as she had gone still since the first beam fell.

Carla stood, Roy's attempts proving successful as she rushed into action.

However, upon inspection after shouting at everyone to run, she realised that the entrance and exits had all been blocked. Everyone was still.

The calm before the storm.

The roof collapsed and the explosion that happened prior knocked everyone apart. Carla had lost the grip she'd had on Roy's hand, now lying under the rubble of the factory roof. Screams followed as a second explosion happened, but Carla couldn't bring herself to care.

Her eyes were lolling back as the pain took hold of her body, consciously dreaming of the life she had imagined as a business woman.

Wealthy, healthy, loved.

With regret she informed herself she was none of these things. Wealthy? Maybe once, but she'd gambled what she's worked so hard for, and had never, truly recovered what was lost.

Healthy? Physically, yes, although there would always be those scars that marred her skin and acted as a reminder of her past, that she could never ever escape from. One kidney and a lifetime of drugs to prevent imminent death.

Mentally, she was a train off the rails, running closer and closer to the edge of a cliff with every passing day.

She was ill. And she knew it.

Loved? She had no answer to the question she longed to scream. "**am** **i** **loved?**" Roy loved her, she was sure, Michelle too. Johnny and Jenny were too scarred from Liz to care. She knew they were different now. Changed. Kate was just a shadow of a former friend, drifting away from her, now just a whisper on the edge of people's tongues.

Carlas thoughts drifted delusionally from thought to thought, settling on a vivid memory from her past as she drifted in and out of consciousness.

_Pregnant._

_Her head fogged and her stomach rolled as she gagged, thinking she might actually throw up. The bile rose in her throat at the idea of **his** baby growing inside of her._

**_She'd hated her stepdad ever since he'd moved in with Sharon, her mum; the latest in a long list of boyfriends she'd had. Carla expected him to only stay a few weeks but was surprised when he remained six months later. She welcomed the security blanket he layed over her and Rob for the shirt while._**

**_On Carlas sixteenth birthday she had stayed over at Michelle's, having a special meal with her and Liam._**

**_Granted, a special meal for them was fish and chips that they ate on the promenade, legs dangling over the edge, laughter and smiles erupting at every joke told._**

**_She'd returned home only latee that night, to find Sharon and Rob gone, 'to see Auntie Katie' he'd said. Looking back now, he'd had a glint in his eyes Carla couldnt process at the time, beaming as he'd tormented the young girl about not being allowed to see her favourite aunt. _**

**_Of course_** **_Carla had fought back to the man, 'I ain't been naughty!' before storming up to her room._**

**_Head in the pillow she didn't hear him enter until the door clicked shut._**

_The test must be wrong, she concluded. 'Out of date or summat' she thought_, the _pack bought for Michelle mere months earlier containing two of the sticks. Carla never imagined she'd want children, never mind in a situation like this._

_Scrambling off her bed where she was layed, fingers shaking as she tried to pick up the coins scattered on the surface._

_She'd recieved judging glances and pitiful stares in the pharmacy, the woman behind the counter clicking her tongue in disgust. '**How could a child this age get pregnant?' , 'no wonder, clothes like that, hair like that' **Carla could hear their hushed whispers harshly as she wanted to scream at them who was responsible._

Carla had not dared to go home, instead peeing on the stick alone in the cold cubicle in the public toilets beside the pub. It stank, burning her nostrils and making her eyes stream painfully but she'd rather here than the chance of being caught at home.

Feircly, she rubbed the tears that had formed, pooling under her eyes and running down her formed cheeks.

Oh.

Positive.

She didnt know why she'd managed to convince herself it would be negative. Her head spun, and she retched painfully over the toilet.

Lost, she was truly lost.

**Surely, she couldn't kill it, the little human inside her? No! it wasn't a human, not yet anyway. Like she'd just said, 'it'. It would do no harm for her to just take a pill, make everything go away.**

**Away.**

**Then Carla was cementing her own future, alone. This baby would mean that she was never alone again. She'd always have someone by her side.**

**'I have to keep it' Carla thought, 'its my baby, not HIS. Mine' her mind fought, back and forth, like in those childrens cartoons she was never allowed to watch at home, where the angel sat on one shoulder, devil on the other.**

**'He'll find a way, the baby won't be yours, they'll take it away, then you'll be truly alone'.**

**The thought scared her, she shook her head willing the voices to stop.**

_The pebbles hit the window above Carla with a flurry of pattering, raining back down on her as she barely flinched. Her eyes burned, red and sore, skin around her eyes enflamed and mottled. A light flickered on behind the curtains drawn in the window, Carla's hand releasing the new stones she had scraped from the gravel pathway that surrounded the house, ready to throw them again incase her first handful had gone ignored._

_The curtains were thrown to the side, a little dark head of hair appearing, eyes cautiously peeping over the edge of the sill. Carla crossed her arma across her chest defensively, blocking out the chill of the wind as it bit her through her thin clothes._

_The window was opened slowly, carefully avoiding unecessary noise as Carla began the asscent, shimmying up the drainpipe, the actions of a '**common thief**', words Michelle's parents had so often described her as._

_Once through she closed the window once again silently, turning to face the three month pregnant girl now sat on the bed._

_'Chelle' she breathed, her resolve slipping away as she viewed the girl for the first time properly in months._

_Since getting pregnant, Michelle's parents had stopped the girls seeing each other, Helen beleiving it was the older girls influence that lead to her child being knocked up. Carla had only seen glimses of her best friend, getting in and out of cars on her way to and from school. All her attempts to visit had been harshly rejected, once even earning her a slap from Chelle's father._

"_What are you doing here Carla, you know what mum'll do if she catches us together." her voice was hoarse, rushed and filled with urgency._

_Carla did know what would happen, knew that Helen would get her arrested, move away and she'd never see Michelle again. It was a risk she was willing to take at this moment in time, all morals flying out of the window, her growing fear imminently leading to disaster._

_Carla held out the test for the younger girl to take. Initial confusion laced her face before flickering with anger, throwing it to the bed. 'i thought you said you'd got rid of that Carla. What are you playing at?' Michelle hissed, mistaking the pregnacy test for the one done herself earlier in the year._

_Shaking her head at the younger girl, Carla let her head swing down in shame; willing Michelle to work it out, not wanting to voice her secret aloud._

_Silence hung in the air momentarily, Carla lifting her head up so her face now stood dangerously close to her friends. Realisation hit Michelle at Carla's vulnerable state, a breath she didnt realise she was holding, released quickly, lips now pressed firmly together._

_God they were in a mess._

_'Oh Carla' she didnt know the words to air, knowing how confused and sick she'd felt when discovering she was pregnant. Back then, she'd had Carla, holding her hair back, rubbing soothing circles into her back. Now the tables were turned and Michelle was lost._

_She didnt know how to help her friend._

_Pulling Carlas shaking body into hers, she whispered the only thing she could. The only thing that would help her._

_"Ive got you, Ive got you. I promise I'll help you through this baby. You and me together yeah?"._

_They fell alseep together that night. Legs tangled and hands tightly grasped together._

_The last time Carla was truly happy._

_The last time she truly felt safe._

A loud crash brought Carla back to the present, eyes flickering open before shutting quickly again, the dust falling, making them stream. Unable to free her arms to wipe the tears, they continued to fall, running over the contours of her face, dripping onto the fractured glass of the photo frame that lay under her head.

Underneath her hair, splayed sideways when the roof fell the second time, Carla and Michelle both beamed up at the camera, hands linked, other hand of each girl pressed to the others prominent baby bump. Carla had always kept the photo hidden, mainly out of shame, but it had always remained in her office, safely away from prying eyes.

Her breathes were shallow now, her weak frame convulsing, attemping to take in enough oxygen to stabilise her shaking.

The background noise filtered in loudly, shouting, sirens, and crying all mixed into one unbareable constant blare.

It thinned slightly, the noise, Carla once again dreaming, her body physically failing.

_It was too early, way to early. Michelle had gone into labour that morning, found by Carla in a cubicle at school, panting and crying, her tights wet through as she quaked on the seat. She'd been rushed to the hospital the moment Helen arrived, Carla pushed aside as she was led away._

_Now it was Carla who found herself crouching, attempting to stem the pain._

_She was alone_.

**_She'd read up abour labour, early into her pregnancy when it had all still felt fake. When the idea of giving birth had felt a lifetime away._**

**_'Stress induces labour' she'd read, remembering the school counselor saying the same, alongside all the other rules she would have to follow while pregnant._**

_Perhaps that is what did it; the sight of Michelle in so much pain, inducing her two months early._

_Perhaps it was her maternal instincts kicking in._

_Perhaps it was- ' arghh' she let out a strangled sob, falling to the ground in the park, mud staining her bare knees. Whatever has caused this would have to wait she thought. The urge to push already thick in her stomach._

_When her baby finally came, a woman seeing her distressed in the park and getting her to hospital just as the baby crowned._

_She'd been releived when he'd cried, a physical pain bursting in her chest as she knew she'd have to give him up. Sharon had given her an ultimatum, put him up for adoption or be thrown onto the street._

_Wanting her son to have the life she never got, knowing full well he wouldnt get that with her._

_She'd named him Alex. Given up to the Neeson family only days later, dissipating from her life forever._

_Carla had thought that was the end. Until_ _she had returned to Coronation Street after an escape to LA, when she found out about the baby mix up. Michelle's baby being swapped for her own. Ryan, being hers all along, the ripple of love thawing through her body once again._

_She'd pushed that feeling away however, knowing Ryan wasnt her son anymore, Michelle had given him the life she'd wanted him to have. For that she was grateful. The secret of Ryans real maternity was one she'd carry to the grave._

The smile drifted from her face, the thought of her happy son and her best friend what she hung onto as her life ebbed slowly away, eyes now glassy.

When Carla was found, she was cold, eyes cloudy, staring, fingers hard and gripping the photo, her last action to free her hand from it captor, holding onto what would soon be gone.

She was gone, whisked away as easily and as silently the wind.

Finally, Carla Connor was at peace.

**Just a note- In this story Carla and Ali never had a fling, because ew- in this context. Pleaee leave reviews, much appreciated.**


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